And thinking about it, I think I'm going to go through with the deletion of the harmful blogs.
Since I don't have the time to do that before work, that means people who want to record my wrongdoings, this is your last call for it. About 12 hours from now, I'll have the time to go through and remove the harmful content from my blog. Granted, I still feel like I should keep a private backup stored, so that if someone asks privately to have a record of what the hell happened, I can offer it to them, but I want to at least remove the public record of the hurtful things I did and said.
This is not a decision I take lightly, and I did put a lot of thought into it. I felt the harm outweighs any good which would come from leaving it up--and if I truly want to commit myself to the path of least harm and greatest good like I said I wanted to, then the best way for me to do that would be to remove from the public eye the harmful content.
I imagine this decision still carries consequences. I imagine it still gives some harm. After all, the people who most matter to me in the world have already viewed the content and been harmed by it. Removing it won't magically undo that harm. Nothing can. But ultimately, long-term, I think it's for the best.
This was also backed up by spiritual messages I feel are from my guides.
A month ago, I bought a spirit guide reading for my fiance. However, I was present in the room, so my guides were also there. I trust the competency of the person who did the spirit guide reading. The reading was mostly for my fiance, but did contain bits about me, for instance, that our guides basically set us up together and thought we would be good together and basically conspired to force us together.
Which would explain why back when this was all going down, I had the overwhelming instinct telling me that it would be wrong to abandon my at-the-time-friend in their moment of greatest need. I somehow knew I needed to be there for them, no matter what--and I later learned with good reason. I literally saved the life of my friend-now-fiance by doing what I did. And that's because I listened to my instincts and what they told me to do.
My blog has always kept light on the details, so I won't publicly elaborate on the previous paragraph, but the important part from it is, my instincts are usually in alignment with the will of my spirit guides, and their guidance is usually pretty good.
And this was further supported by a group session at the Yuletide PNW Witches Market we went to. The two people running it said the same thing; usually, our instincts are correct, and our conscious self battles those instincts. Our conscious self guides us towards taking the wrong path, when by our instincts, we knew the right path.
And the more and more I thought about it, the more and more I realized.
At the end of the spirit guide session (sorry for the ADHD lack of continuity), the person--literally as I was headed out the door--reached out to me and had the parting words of letting me know that some time in the future, a guide would be by my side when the moment was right, basically their way of foreshadowing that this was already set in motion.
That same guide team which literally saved the life of someone who is the love of my life, is what I feel the instinct to delete the harmful blogs is being guided by. And the resistance feels like it's the conscious mind pushing back with its invented concepts.
So, I just feel like the right thing to do is to go through and delete the harmful blogs.
I'm sorry if you think this is the wrong decision for me to make.
And you're free to view it in whatever way you wish. You can have the most uncharitable interpretation of this blog and last.
But ultimately, I have to pursue what I think is the best path forward, regardless of what others think, and to me, that path is the path of least harm, which I feel is removing the wrongful hurtful material from my blog.
I'm sorry for everything. I don't know what the right thing to do is. You might think this is continuing to do the wrong thing. But, I have to at least try to do the right thing and it feels like the right thing is removal of the material.
As always, regardless of your opinion or stance on me, my decisions, whatever, I want to say I will always love and appreciate you regardless, because your viewpoint, your perspective, is valid.