My wants are nothing remarkable. Of course, I lot a lot of things I want are things that I know are impossible, at least in this lifetime. For instance, I would want to live forever. I want what amounts to worldwide peace, prosperity, and love. Where there's no genocides being committed, where everyone has a home and makes a livable wage, where healthcare is a human right, where everyone can receive what they need, especially trans people, and so on and so forth. You get the idea. A lot of my wants are impossible.
And even if they aren't, they're improbable.
So when I say I want to talk about my wants...I'm mostly talking about my strongest wants, my strongest desires, my strongest callings.
I want to marry the love of my life, Kelsey Marie Cousins, on October 31st 2025.
I want to build a life with them.
I want to have a home together, which we own, which is ours for lifetime. Not as an investment, but as a place for us to live the rest of our lives together.
I want to have pets, around two dogs and two cats.
Kels and I have talked about this more and more recently, but more and more we're beginning to think we want to raise children. We both feel, to a certain extent, we would never be ready, but we both know we never would be ready. The level of care needed for humans is insanely high, and it's a huge commitment of time. It's a 24/7 commitment for a minimum of 18 years, and you have to do everything. You have to teach them, help them, educate them, etc.
But, I think at the end of the day, we wouldn't need to be perfect. Nobody is. We'd just need to be "good enough". And I think we could be. Our life is on the upswing. We've gotten better and better at life skills and we're progressively getting closer to where we want to be.
I want to fully transition. To have my name changed, on everywhere (both legally and on birth certificates and such.
I want to have bottom surgery as well as hair removal.
I want to have voice coach lessons to more feminize my voice. I don't want to sound like the stereotypical "gay guy" voice, either; I want to sound more obviously feminine.
I want to have work done to make it more obvious I'm a girl from a distance. Maybe facial feminization surgery, but basically people clock me as a guy and I want to have people not.
I want to learn to apply makeup to myself and to do it every time I will be seen and have it look pretty but also natural.
I want to get in shape, where I'm physically fit, as fit as can be, but not in raw strength, more towards endurance. Time/number over raw weight, as it were, while still able to handle exerting myself.
I want to be eating more healthily, to where I have a good diet that doesn't have nearly as much junk food.
I still want to effectively naturally grow bigger breasts tho--I want them to be visible from a distance and be unmistakable as being booba. At least a C.
I want to learn how to cook, as well as to do all the chores associated with the house. To be able to know how to wash clothes, to dry them, to put them away neatly, to do the dishwasher, to clean the appliances. to know how to use the stove, toaster, microwave, blender, you get the idea. Even if I'm not the one responsible for all of the household chores, I want to be able to handle them, from mopping to vacuuming.
I want to have a steady job which doesn't seriously tax me, which is accommodating towards my various needs.
I want to have a steady income, to be in a place where I can both set aside money for the future but also have enough to spend in the present, on things that are not needs but are wants, are luxuries, are ways to enhance and enrich life but not strictly necessary.
I want to have those moments of happiness. To have a focus on it, in fact.
I want to never need to sacrifice happiness. If I am forced to make a choice, I want it to be a choice between two different forms of happiness that cannot both be done at the same time. For instance, the want to play two different games. Obviously I can't play two different games at the exact same time, so I would always have to pick one, but both would make me happy.
Instead of having to sacrifice happiness in general (say, not playing either game due to a need to work overtime), I want to choose the greatest source of happiness in the moment.
I want to have cuddle time with my wife-to-be.
I want to spend time watching them, just admiring them.
I want to spend time just vibing with them, watching things together, doing things together.
I want to experience all of life together with them.
I don't really like to travel, but I want to be pushed outside my comfort zone by them, the way they do when they take me on our adventures. So despite how I usually prefer to vibe at home, rest, and recover...they make me want to go on adventures with them.
I want to be happy with them, no matter what life throws at us.
I want to vibe with friends.
I want to be able to give my love and support to all of my friends and spaces.
I want to create the numerous ideas I have in my head. Namely, I want to write a lot of my novels. I have hundreds of ideas, I want to have written at least a couple dozen of them. I want to have my poetry/songs be published/made. I want to compose music. I want to make my silly jokes and have my life take off as a content creator.
I want to give advice, as a mentor, as a healer, as a teacher, as a supporter.
I want to share my life experience.
I want my ideas to be made real, and for people to find comfort in my works, for them to resonate with what I made.
I want to explore my plurality and get to really know my mind, my system.
I want to pursue my spirituality, and become more enlightened. I've mostly let go of my negative emotions, particularly anger. I don't get angry anymore, not really. I want to be content with my life, and to also be able to be that voice that is always calm, caring, and compassionate.
I want to be able to spread, to show, my love to the world. My passion, my belief, my philosophy, my interest, my love.
I want to be understood.
I want to be seen, truly seen.
I want to be supported, by those I love, and even by strangers I would love to love.
I want to leave a lasting legacy, of kindness, caring, empathy, love, support, creativity, joy, and positivity.
I want to entertain.
I want to heal.
I want to be loved, as I love others.
That's a lot of wants.
To want that all is often seen as greedy. But you know what? I actually think I can do it all.
I know it seems greedy.
But I think I actually CAN have it all, or at least, most of it.
I don't need to sacrifice time with my fiance for this. I don't need to give up on things in order to pursue those other things.
I genuinely think we can have it all.
And even more ambitiously...I feel like we can achieve most of these at or before 2030.
It will require work, to be sure. But I don't need to burn myself out or give up on friends or sacrifice time with my fiance. There will be small sacrifices right now due to not quite being there.
I don't have the financial stability and network and work done to have all of that laid out for me.
But...I think I am close. And that I can achieve all of these. It's actually somewhat a humble goal, but I have my whole life to achieve them. I want to get them done before 60 largely, but I think I can get a lot done by 36, and be almost or entirely complete with them all by 50.
I believe in myself. It might not be a lifetime of being a big celebrity, but I don't need to be a household name. I just want to have lived a fulfilled, happy life, to have left it better than before, to leave things after I am gone, and to have my ideas passed on as it were.
And I think those things, despite how greedy they can seem, are fairly humble and doable overall. I'll do the work. Here's to hoping it pays off. <3
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