Lots of it depression. Seems to be a common thing that happens to us to be honest. (By the way there is a small disconnect between what I'm writing and the person thinking since 'to be honest' was tbh and 'by the way' was 'btw'. This is a blog, we're meant to be more formal here.) (On that note we need to avoid cussing as much as some of us do.)
ANYWAY.
We have a lot to say.
Mostly depressing. A lot of our days seem to start as one level on our bipolar disorder and then swing to the other. Start depressed, end up manic. But in this case, it was starting manic, ending depressed.
It's been basically a day since our mind exploded. (Well it has been a day, just a little less than that for detailing it. We started writing about 10 pm.)
And yet.
Nobody on any platform has said a word to us.
It was a huge thing. It was something very big. Life-altering. And we got...nobody saying anything.
Like, we get it. It can be something hard to engage in. What do you really say? What can you really say? But that's one of the reasons we only mentioned it in spaces we knew that people would understand. And yet. So far. Nothing. No engagement. We're needy. We're greedy. We're attention-deprived. So we're expecting too much.
I know that.
But even if we know it's unrealistic to expect engagement.
Even if we know that there's not much people can say.
Even if we know that not much commentary can be given.
Like.
We're kinda lost, yaknow???
Having some help would...help.
Having people reassure us, having people talk to us, having people basically acknowledge it was real.
We need validation.
Yes, that's greedy. We expect too much from others. We're being incessant. Annoying. Overbearing. Overwhelming. Having our presence be too...strong. We're not being reasonable in what amounts to demands for attention. But...we still crave it.
The body is intensely sad. We're being entitled pricks, expecting more than anyone ought to. So rationally, we know we shouldn't expect people to have talked to us. It's still...saddening. The disconnect between our rational selves telling us that basically, other people are people and thus it's understandable they aren't,
Versus...we could use it.
We are...different. Lost. Without guide.
It's chaos. To be expected. But, we are sad. And want something. I'm not even sure we know what we want. But something. Oh right yeah we need to talk about some extra stuff too. Like, it's not just the lack of engagement. There's also how we have to choose between so many things, such as streaming vs. watching Worlds.
Also there's sadness that we won't be able to bet on Worlds in torn due to a fresh set of bounties. There's anger that people are lying about us lying and saying we did something we didn't do, but also regret and intense pain for continuing to put off apologizing for what we genuinely DID do there which was still not a great thing.
"If you want to hate me, hate me for the right thing, dammit!" someone told us right now.
Which is a fairly common sense in us. We did wrong. We deserve to be punished for having done wrong, especially since we're idiots who can't muster up the courage to actually write an apology that's, what? Two weeks overdue? Three? It should've happened a long time ago.
We don't deserve to be punished for something we didn't do and have proven we didn't do. Like, they probably think that we still have an item that we literally showed we gave away--our net worth skyrocketed after having given it away because we lucked out and got 30 of an item when searching (a really expensive item) and spent hundreds of job points on an item that is worth a lot. But we got those on our own. Not with any form of payout. We did nothing but get lucky to get that.
Still. Back to the point. We're sad because we've put off an apology that was due two weeks ago.
We're sad because we're not working on porting over all of our blog to Wix. (We're copying new entries over to Wix, but not older ones.)
We haven't even finished setting up Wix to the max (tho we got close I think?).
There's so much we have yet to do.
And we've done effectively none of it.
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