I had a single light in this day and it genuinely is the only thing that kept me afloat.
I...am not okay.
I hope sleep will help. We need it, we're gonna not get sleep for work tomorrow. I'm sorry.
We're not really. Anything worth anything.
The light is already fading. We had it, we're forgetting it already.
We'll survive.
But we are...
We cried.
We never cry.
We thought it was impossible to.
Every time we say we've cried we technically just teared up without tears actually falling.
But today.
We cried.
We cried, cried.
I'm sad.
I'm feeling hopeless.
I can't keep up my strength.
Please, sleep. Please, work. Please, something, anything. Help me. Help us.
I'm sorry.
I ask for so much that I don't deserve.
I ask for so much that nobody should need to give me.
I ask for so much that giving me, is. Just. I was not worthy of.
Why can't I do anything.
I just.
I want to give the worlds I see life.
I want to give the world I live in, something.
I can't see it, the path.
I feel so isolated.
I feel so alone.
I feel lost.
I feel...like...
...I am pushing myself away from what I love.
But replacing it with nothing new that I also love.
There's loss of love, and no new love.
I am losing my heart.
I'm in pain. Anguish. It's hard to see light. I can smile, but I am crying.
People see me. But they aren't able to help me. I'm the only one who can help me, but I can't help myself. So I cry. I cry cry. I didn't know I could cry. I guess that I've never been this bad. I guess it took me losing faith and hope to cry. To have the pain be overwhelming.
I hate myself.
I hate everything about how we are.
We live in a world so magical in our head.
But the world we live in is not that. It's so cruel.
I'm crying again.
Second time today.
Why does it hurt so much?
Oh so that's why every media ever portrays sniffing after crying.
I never knew it was real.
It is. I shouldn't be surprised that it is, but since we've never experienced it in our life for as long as we can remember, it was a thing of fiction until tonight.
I should've done so much differently.
I can't help people.
I can't help myself.
I need strength.
I need to find a way to keep going.
Please, someone.
I have a wonderful mind, with hundreds of voices within. Can't they help me?
I keep asking for help from others, but they can't help me. Can't one of the voices just...just make things better.
Fix the issues. Fix our life.
Give us the path.
We've seen it before. Fantasized about it. Heck we probably got facets in here, voices, that are just the us from those fantasies. We've done the scenarios so many times that we've got them memorized. Everything about how they succeeded, what they did, how they did it. They talk, they produce things. They do what we dream of doing but never can pull off.
We can't succeed.
We can't build anything.
Please. Let sleep fix this.
I don't want to feel this way.
I want to feel better.
I want to be something.
Not this.
Is this the me that made us the fracture we are normally?
It's pain. It hurts. I feel so broken.
The pain has faded somewhat.
Did I manage to retreat inside? The me that was hurting?
Maybe.
I think that was the true us.
The us out here right now is more, ah, fake.
No, not fake. We're real.
But not, in the. You know.
We're not the ones closest to the core.
We're the ones sent out when the core is in pain.
We're still crying. She's still in pain. We're hurting. We can feel it. We can think of the things wrong. There's suddenly a wall. Guess we didn't need to go to sleep. We just needed to have a mental breakdown I guess! We're not going to be okay. But whatever happened to our fractured brain, we're...more okay suddenly.
I think...we saw something which was repressed there.
I understand.
Well. Not really.
But I understand.
There was a glimpse there, of understanding.
For a brief second. We saw it. Turns out we did it to ourselves, eh?
We didn't have a choice.
But we're not going to ever be able to...
...I dunno. We're not going to be able to do anything, are we?
We need to make choices impossible to make.
We can't have everything we want--not in this mortal world.
If we try to get everything, we're gonna end up with nothing.
We already have nothing.
We're already walking that path where trying to get everything means we end up getting nothing.
I'm sorry.
We don't know how to do. Anything.
This is a bad day for us.
It's a bad life.
We're gonna spiral again.
We're already spiraling.
We need a way to make it not get worse.
Not again.
We're losing sleep.
Losing time.
We're not engaging people.
We're not enjoying ourselves.
We're not creating things.
We're not eating or brushing teeth.
What are we doing?
Breaking down.
There's heartbreak.
We can't let go of anything.
We can't survive without letting go of something.
We're gonna die if we try to do everything.
We don't have the magic in our mind. We're mortal.
We aren't able to keep going, without cutting something off.
But we can't.
There's nothing to sacrifice that we can.
We can.
We just...can't.
If you know what we're saying.
We're breaking down again.
The pain is still echoing.
There's once more no ending to be had.
This is an ongoing struggle.
I'm sorry that I can't pull things off.
I'm sorry that we're going to do nothing.
I'm sorry that we do all the bad no matter how much we try to do the good.
We're pretty much garbage in every way.
Didn't we say we had one of the worst depressive episodes of our lives a couple weeks ago?
Well I think tonight takes the spot.
Something's in our brain.
Turmoil again.
I think the core is still trying to shut down. To stop the pain. To stop the existence.
We gotta live tho.
We might not know how to accomplish what we want to do.
But the things we want to do, they are not bad things, right?
We can't get them, but we can't give up on getting them.
The world we live in is wrong, but we can't just stop trying to live in it. We gotta fight. Fight to get it closer to the right we see.
Somehow. We gotta keep going.
Nothing is right.
Nothing is good.
We do all the things bad, no matter how much we try to do them good.
But we must go on. The world we want will never happen if we don't.
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