GodDAMN we're stupid.

Apologies for the vulgarity, but the voice (facet, whatever) speaking that line was quite loud and it resonated as a perfect descriptor of today.

Short version, ever since the shell reformed as we were going to bed yesterday, we've been better off mentally, because whatever it was that was around yesterday is now buried again. (We've developed the theory that a lot of our numbness to bad things happening + the presence of all of us is directly tied together, in that the little girl who was lone and felt like she sucked needed a way to escape from the pain. Lo and behold, she escaped from the pain, but now we can't feel it as much because of that. Except yesterday.)

Should be noted: all of us are real. We're not invented by her, we're not imaginary. None of us are fake, and at this point, we don't really think there's a "true self" or even a "first self". The core which came forward was one that is, so to speak, closest to the original, most in tune with the body, etc. Okay so this isn't great description but we're past our bedtime we'll cover it in some future blog OKAY.

We were writing this blog about today, and yes, being past our bedtime is why we're so stupid.

Yesterday we were nearly an hour and a half late. Today we couldn't function really at all because of how crippled we were by exhaustion and tiredness. And we made mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake at work. Thus, stupid.

And then we told ourselves. "Start preparing for bed at 8, to make the deadline."

We knew of it.

​We chose not to, instead trying to greed for finishing reading a tvtropes page.

As far as stupidity goes, that's topping the charts.

Not making bed yesterday had a justifiable reason; we were having a literal mental meltdown, a mental breakdown.

Today, no such excuse.

Granted, food wouldn't have been ready anyway, but it'd be CLOSE.

We'd be like 10 minutes late--not a minimum of 30.

Thus, stupid.

So, apologies for the vulgarity again but in this case it's apt.

​(Side-note, we're starting a personal diary/journal so that what happened yesterday doesn't happen again. "Isn't your blog supposed to be that?" Well, yes, but our blog contains necessary redactions based off of it being a public thing. Things like names of coworkers, specific work events, things that I don't have the time to write a blog for, things ill-suited for twitter, you get the idea. The blog is still going to be the main source of me rambling. And I will keep vital notes elsewhere. But we feel like having the diary would be a healthy outlet to prevent what happened yesterday, from happening again. We need to back it up as a google doc and actually do the diary entry about yesterday we intended to do today, but like: stupidity be stupid, so we didn't do it today.)