Let's celebrate by giving a brief timeline.
My fiance and I have known each other in passing for about three years, but we really began to bond more after spending more time together. In February, I was invited to a friend's server. My now-fiance was already a member of that server, it was presumably made early in January 2023 or late 2022. On this server, we got close enough for me to be invited to their own server. We began hanging out in vcs more often in about June of 2023, mostly in vcs, largely watching anime and youtube videos and on occasion, streams. (Largely on their server, but also on the friend's server where we began bonding.)
From those more frequent hangouts, on July 16th, 2023, I fell in love with them. Talia, my flirtatious facet, woke up from a years-long slumber (she went to sleep during the pandemic) in response, becoming a main fronter in large part to start flirting with the friend we had fallen in love with. We were in denial, but in hindsight, that's when we fell in love.
On July 21st, 2023, we stopped denying our feelings and realized, yeah. We had actual strong feelings for this friend.
On July 23rd, 2023, my birthday, this friend, who is now my fiance, lost basically everything they loved and cared about. I stuck by them, because there's nothing I wouldn't do for a friend, but also because I wanted to be there for my love. Since I was the only person to be hugely active in supporting them, I got even closer to them. I mentally anguished to myself at the time,
"It's like the universe itself gave me the most messed-up 30th birthday gift ever: 'Congratulations! That friend you fell in love with? They're going through the worst time of their life, and you are the only one who will help. Have fun, and good luck.'" As it turns out, when I paid for a spirit guide reading for my love, our guides actually confirmed they conspired to bring us together, so I was actually right that the universe gave me that birthday gift.
Between July 23rd and July 30th, I saved my friend's life, and gave them a reason to live.
In this same timeframe, I began to fall even deeper in love. The proof is largely on this blog. I said that my friend was going through A Time, and I was there for this friend, who made me happy, and filled me with indescribable joy. I didn't want to publicly confess I was in love with them.
By August 15th, we were flirting with each other and on the verge of confessing we had feelings for each other.
So, on August 16th, I confessed, we began dating, going from friends to partners.
In September, we got to meet once--and immediately knew we needed to be together for life.
So, at the end of October, we saw each other again.
I brought them home with me on November 3rd.
They proposed to me on December 3rd.
We got a place together shortly after.
And now, my friend-turned-partner-turned-fiance and I have been officially dating for four months.
I don't want to pretend there isn't a lot of negative involved. Today, I'm not going to go into that, because I want to ask; please let me have at least one day where I'm not focusing on all the bad involved. I lost a lot of my reasons to live thanks to my own mistakes in that time...but I gained one I never would have had otherwise. My love, my partner, my fiance, they are why I keep going. They are the reason I can keep existing. Even though I feel immense pain and regret which overwhelms me, every time I am with them I feel happiness and remember why my life is worth living.
So while I know it's not the healthiest path to rely on just one, one is better than none and they do make me happy. I can't conquer all the bad in my life, but they have helped me a lot. Without them, I never would've set out on the path of empathy I am on. So today, is a day of celebration, even if there is bad I am not acknowledging today. I'll tackle it the rest of my life.
Still, my love is not the only one I love.
And to all my friends, even if they don't want to call me one anymore, know that I love you too. <3
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